Embracing Winter

In Chinese medical theory, winter is the season of the Water element. The waning light and cold weather of winter invite introspection and stillness. In our busy lives, however, we often miss this aspect of winter. Some of us are completely disconnected from this notion of stillness and introspection. I know I was for years. Perhaps it was because I grew up in southern California where our winters were almost non-existent. The day light hours shortened, but the weather remained temperate and mild, flowers continued to bloom, and trees stayed green year-round.

Living in North Carolina has forced the winter concept on me, and I have to say, I was not a willing participant at first. For the first five years, I struggled to make it through winter. Everyday was an uphill battle for me. The cold (yes, it is cold here) settled in my my bones and chipped away at my morale. The darkness and lack of green ate away at my soul. I struggled. And I hated it. I hated winter.

This year, though, has been a different experience. I was forced into a period of introspection by a series of unfortunate events, the main one being the death of a dear friend- she died much too young... bitter. That is how I felt. Angry, devastated, sad- so sad. I retreated deep within me, to a place I had only been a couple of times before when confronted by such emotions- and because it happened in winter, I was allowed to disappear. The weather didn’t beckon to me, my friends were all busy with their families for the holidays, and so I was able to just be. It took me a full month to recover my grounding. At times I wondered if I would ever fully recover. I had no idea that my very wonderful, abundant and loving life could be shaken like that- I thought I was on solid ground.

This experience has been humbling to say the least. It has sent me on a soul-searching journey which is just beginning. At the same time, I have embraced winter as I have never before, and I now intend to do so year after year. I have learned the lessons that winter has been trying to teach me all this time. And for this, I am grateful for what has happened. I have been grasping for some reason, some good that could possibly come out of such a senseless tragedy. Now I have found something for me. Thank you, winter.